


Catch Me When I Fall

by giantpanda



Category: The Good Doctor (TV 2017)
Genre: Character Study, Depression, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Hopeful Ending, Song Lyrics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-14
Updated: 2020-08-14
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:54:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25899283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/giantpanda/pseuds/giantpanda
Summary: Claire is falling deeper in despair, will she be able to find her way out?
Relationships: Claire Browne/Neil Melendez
Comments: 10
Kudos: 27





	Catch Me When I Fall

**Author's Note:**

> As I was listening to the radio this song came on and it make me think of Claire and her grief from losing her mom. The song is "Catch me When I Fall" by Ashlee Simpson. I wanted to try something different and used the song to guide the story, each part between the song lyrics is only 100 words. I hope I was able to capture Claire's emotions.

_Is anybody out there  
Does anybody see  
That when the lights are off something's killing me_

Claire feels like she’s drowning. She can’t find her way out of her grief. First Kayla and then her mother, just as they were finally making peace and healing a lifetime of pain. She listens to her voicemail over and over again. Hearing the pride in her mother’s voice. It wasn’t supposed to end with her crashing the car on what should’ve been one of the best days of Claire’s life. She’s alone and struggling, and she doesn’t know what to do and how to find her way out of the darkness. She feels like she’s a shell of herself.

_I know it seems like people care  
Cause they're always around me  
But when the day is done and everybody runs_

She’s surrounded by people at work. Morgan realizes something is wrong, but there is nothing she can do. Claire wants to reach out, wants to find a way out of the darkness, but she doesn’t know how. She just falls further and further away. She tries to act like herself at work, but she knows she fails. She doesn’t even know who she is anymore. She wonders if anyone even cares. As long as she continues to do her best at work, nothing else matters. At the end of the day she can’t stand to be alone with her thoughts.

_Who will be the one to save me from myself  
Who will be the one who's there  
And not ashamed to see me crawl  
Who's gonna catch me when I fall_

She can’t escape the darkness, the grief. She finds herself going to bars, numbing herself with alcohol and strange men. She uses them. Tries to feel less alone. She always feels worse in the morning, and yet no one notices. No one sees that she’s hurting. No one is there to help her. She’s alone. Just as she always has been. She’s mad at herself for thinking she deserved happiness, that she deserved peace. Instead, she buys another drink and looks around to see who she can escape with tonight. Who will be able to make her forget her pain?

_When the show is over  
And it's empty everywhere  
It's hard to face going back alone  
So I walk around the city  
Anything, anything to clear my head  
I've got nowhere to go nowhere but home_

She lost count of the number of bars, the number of drinks, the number of men. She’s lost and she doesn’t know how to find her way back to herself. She just wants to be numb. To forget everything. No one notices, no one cares. As long as she shows up to work no one bothers. A well-placed smile and everyone thinks she’s okay. She’s in another bar with another drink talking to another guy. Her eyes drop to his ring and she knows that she’ll be going home with him. Maybe tonight she will forget everything and find peace. 

_Who will be the one to save me from myself  
Who will be the one who's there  
And not ashamed to see me crawl  
Who's gonna catch me when I fall_

She was so wrong. This guy will be the one to destroy it all. After her mother she didn’t think she could fall any lower, but then he showed up in her ER. His wife by his side, and then later his young daughter. A weight settled in her stomach, a pressure against her chest. She feels as if she is spiraling out of control. She feels worse when Dr. Melendez praises her for her actions, even worse as Alex notices that she knew their patient. It was all crashing down around her and there was nothing she could do.

_It may seem I have everything  
But everything means nothing  
When the ride that you've been on  
That you're coming off  
Leaves you feeling lost_

She tries to do her best but it she feels so alone. As she sits by the nurses’ station, she tries to catch her breath. She knows she won’t go out after work, she must do something different. She’s falling and failing. She’s lost. She’s trying to figure out what to do when his wife comes out of his room and marches over to her, raises her hand and slaps her across the face. Claire’s not sure what’s worse, the sting of the slap, everyone seeing it or the fact that she knew she deserved it. She stands and runs.

_Is anybody out there  
Does anybody see  
That sometimes loneliness is just a part of me_

She makes it to the stairwell and walks down hoping that no one will see. She sinks down. The tears come quick and hard. All the pain and grief come tumbling out. Her body shakes with the force of her sobs. It’s all too much. She doesn’t know what to do and if she will ever stop. She’s broken and lost. She hears the door slam above her, and she quickly wipes at her eyes trying to stop the flow of tears. She doesn’t want anyone else to see her failures. She’s used to doing it all on her own.

_Who will be the one to save me from myself?  
Who will be the one who's there  
And not ashamed to see me crawl?  
Who's gonna catch me when I fall?  
Who's gonna catch me when I fall?  
Who's gonna catch me when I fall  
And not ashamed to see me crawl?  
Who's gonna catch me when I fall?_

She hears the footsteps on the stairwell. They stop behind her and she feels a hand against her shoulder. The tears start falling again. She loses track of time. Finally, she gets herself together and turns to see Dr. Melendez, his eyes filled with concern. She opens her mouth to tell him she’s fine, but instead tells him everything. All the pain and all the grief. He sits there and listens. His presence a comfort. For the first time she doesn’t feel alone, like there is a ray of light in the darkness. Maybe she would be okay after all.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for taking the time to read as I experimented with something different.


End file.
